Wish You Were Consistent?

My ADHD, only diagnosed later in life - has always made me feel like an inconsistent person. When I look back, it sometimes feels like I’ve been chasing consistency my whole life - always reaching for that elusive ‘perfect streak’ that other people seemed to have figured out.

Then perimenopause hit last year, and my inconsistency went to a whole new level. It wasn’t just missing a few days or even a week of something important anymore - I’d blink and realize an entire month had slipped by. The symptoms were so strong some days they completely took me out.

But here’s what I’ve learned through all of it: consistency isn’t about flawless execution - it’s about persistence. It’s about building fail-proof ways to bring yourself back, again and again, even when life (and your own brain chemistry) keeps knocking you off course.

👉 Why Persistence Beats “Perfect” Consistency

Here’s the thing: your brain is designed to wobble.

• ADHD brains have dopamine regulation quirks that make motivation rise and fall like a roller coaster. That’s not a character flaw - it’s biology.

• Perimenopause brings fluctuating estrogen and progesterone, which directly affect neurotransmitters tied to focus, energy, and mood. One study in The Journal of Women’s Health found that over 60% of perimenopausal women reported disrupted concentration and motivation.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth’s research on grit (defined as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals”) shows that persistence - getting back on the horse after a stumble - predicts success better than talent or perfect habits.

A 2023 Strava app analysis of millions of workouts found that runners who took extended breaks but restarted within three months maintained nearly the same year-end mileage as “perfect streak” runners - proving comeback speed matters more than streak length.

Translation: The gap between what you planned and what you did isn’t the problem. The danger is the shame spiral that keeps you from restarting.

🛑 The Shame Spiral Trap

Here’s what really derails us - it’s not the missed day or the skipped week. It’s the shame spiral that follows.

You know the voice: “You always do this. You’ll never stick with anything. Why bother starting again?” That voice convinces you that one misstep erased every ounce of progress. And that belief? It keeps people stuck far longer than the gap itself.

This is all-or-nothing thinking - a mindset that says if you’re not perfect, you’re failing. But perfection isn’t the goal - progress is. The people who make lasting change aren’t the ones who never slip. They’re the ones who slip, breathe, and return quickly.

Let’s swap all-or-nothing for always-return thinking:

Missing isn’t failure - it’s feedback.

That skipped workout or forgotten routine isn’t proof you’re broken - it’s data. Maybe your system needs a tweak. Maybe your energy was spent elsewhere. Maybe your body or brain needed a break.

Every time you choose to return - even imperfectly - you’re training your brain to trust yourself again. And that trust is the foundation of real, sustainable consistency.

🛠 Fail-Safe Systems: Outsmart Mood and Motivation

When your brain chemistry and hormones feel unpredictable, relying on “I’ll do it when I feel like it” is a recipe for frustration. The secret isn’t more willpower - it’s better structures.

Here’s a 3-Step Fail-Safe Plan to get you back on track - even after a long gap:

1️⃣ Make It Automatic

• Calendar Triggers: Put recurring events on your calendar - even if they’re small (e.g., “Open planner” or “Five-minute tidy”). Treat them like doctor appointments.

• Timers as Training Wheels: Use a simple timer (Pomodoro or even your phone) to break overwhelming tasks into 10–25 minute chunks. Timers remove decision fatigue and make “starting” less intimidating.

• Environment Cues: Lay out your workout clothes at night or keep your journal on your pillow. Reduce the friction between you and the next step.

2️⃣ Borrow External Accountability

• Body-Doubling Sessions: Join co-working calls where others are quietly working alongside you. Knowing someone else is present can override executive-function dips.

• Accountability Buddy or Coach: Sometimes a gentle outside nudge makes all the difference. Whether it’s a friend, a small accountability group, or even a coach, having someone to check in with is the best way to keep you tethered to your goals - especially on the tough days.

• (Side note: If you’re reading these last two and thinking, “Yeah… I could use that,” feel free to hit reply and let me know. I’m working on a simple way to help with this, and can give you a heads-up when it launches.)

3️⃣ Prepare Your Comeback Shortcut

• Re-Entry Checklist: Create a short, non-negotiable list for when you’ve fallen off track (e.g., “1. Open planner, 2. Do one small action, 3. Share in group”). This way, you don’t have to think - you just follow the steps.

• Messy First Step Rule: Promise yourself you’ll start small - walk for two minutes, write one sentence, send one email. Progress > perfection.

ADHD and perimenopause can scramble executive function and motivation, but systems don’t depend on how you feel. They meet you where you are and pull you back into motion - no shame, no heroics, no wasted time.

✨ Persistence, Not Perfection

Even when your energy dips, your focus scatters, or life throws another curveball, remember this: you don’t have to be perfect to make progress. 

Consistency isn’t about flawless streaks - it’s about refusing to quit on yourself. Every time you return - no matter how messy or late - you’re proving that momentum can be rebuilt, trust in yourself can be restored, and your goals are still worth pursuing.

Let the systems you’ve set up catch you when motivation fades, and know that persistence, not perfection, is what rewrites your story.

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