Diagnosed by dirty dishes

Many people I know, don’t know that I have ADHD.

I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago, while taking a training program to learn how to build an online business.

After 20 years in banking and mortgage brokering, it had been a long time since I’d had to learn something completely new.

I’d always had a busy brain and a tendency toward disorganisation in certain areas of life…but it wasn’t until I had to follow a step-by-step course that I realised: the way I was learning was not working for me.

30 tabs open.
To-do list growing.
Brain completely scattered.

I’d start one module…then skip ahead three, just to “see what was coming” (because, let’s be honest - way more exciting)…Then I’d lose the thread, backtrack, and try to refocus…but I was just spinning my wheels. And I started to spiral.

I felt slow. Behind.
And because I’d always been a procrastinator, I figured this was just more of the same.

But then one day, while doing the dishes I’d put off for way too long, I had a podcast playing in the background - Mel Robbins.

The episode ended, and autoplay kicked off the next one:
“6 Surprising Signs of Adult ADHD.”

I was going to skip it. But my hands were wet.
So I kept listening.

It started talking about how differently ADHD shows up in women.

And as Mel started listing the signs… something clicked.

Because she wasn’t just describing ADHD. She was describing me. My brain. My life.

That episode was the spark.
A few months later, I was officially diagnosed - with ADHD. In my 40s.

And suddenly… all the pieces started to make sense.

💥 Why this hits women later

Turns out, this late discovery is shockingly common for women.

Here’s what I didn’t know:

🧠 ADHD in girls often flies under the radar. We’re daydreamers, perfectionists, overachievers - until we’re burned out.

💤 Many of us go undiagnosed for decades because we’ve learned how to mask the chaos underneath.

🔥 Then perimenopause hits. Hormones shift. Estrogen drops. And boom - ADHD symptoms that were once manageable feel unmanageable.

You can’t focus. You forget simple things.
You feel scattered, overwhelmed, and broken.
You’re not. But I know it feels like it.

Why it gets worse in your 40s

As estrogen starts to fluctuate in perimenopause, it affects dopamine - a key neurotransmitter that’s already in short supply in ADHD brains.

That means:

🧠 Executive function drops even more
🌀 Emotional regulation gets harder
💭 Brain fog sets in
🚫 Motivation tanks
😣 Confidence takes a hit

And the sad part?
Most women have no idea this is what’s happening.

They think they’re failing. Lazy. Losing it.

But the truth is: they’re navigating a neurochemical minefield that no one warned them about.

Real talk: You're not alone…

📊 A 2022 study in Nature found that the majority of women with ADHD remain undiagnosed until adulthood.

📊 Source data shows ADHD diagnoses in boys during childhood exceed those for girls, with referral ratios ranging from 3:1 to 16:1, often because their symptoms present very differently from the “hyperactive boy” stereotype.

📊 Perimenopause tends to unmask previously manageable ADHD, leading to a spike in late diagnoses.

This is the part that rarely gets talked about:
ADHD doesn’t start in your 40s - but for many women, that’s when it becomes undeniable.

If you’ve been thinking “Why can’t I just get it together?” - it might not be a motivation problem.

It might be your brain + hormones needing a whole new playbook.

🧠 Tools That Help Me Function (On Foggy Days)

This season of life takes a different kind of strength - and a different kind of system. Here’s some things I’ve been trying that have been helping me:

💡 Dopamine-First Mornings
I start the day with something that gives me a quick win: a brain dump into a notebook or phone notes, making my bed, listening to my favourite playlist, moving my body (walking, exercising). These help reset my nervous system before I even open my laptop.

📋 The “3-Task Max” Rule
Three business priorities. That’s it. Not 30. Not 13. Just three. My brain gets overwhelmed easily these days - this makes me feel like I’m moving forward without spiralling.

📆 Hormone-Smart Scheduling (this matters for men too!)
I’ve started tracking my energy and focus throughout my cycle - and adjusting my work accordingly.

In my higher-focus weeks, I tackle deep work like writing, planning, or content creation.
When my brain feels glitchy (hello, hormone crash), I switch gears to admin tasks, light editing, or even just rest.

This isn’t just for women either.

While women tend to follow a ~28-day hormonal cycle, men operate more on a 24-hour rhythm - often peaking in energy and focus earlier in the day.

So whether you’re cycling monthly or daily, tracking your natural energy patterns can help you work with your body and brain - not against them.

It’s not about doing less.
It’s about doing what you need to do smarter.

🎧 Resource of the Week

🎙️ Podcast: 6 Surprising Signs of Adult ADHD. (Mel Robbins)
This is the episode that sparked my diagnosis. As a man or a woman if you’ve ever felt like you might have ADHD but weren’t sure - or if you’re just curious how it shows up very differently in women and young girls, this one is gold.

✨ Owner Switch Shift of the Week

Old mindset:
I need to be more disciplined. I just have to try harder, push through.

New mindset:
I’m not lazy. I’m not broken. I’m navigating two invisible forces - hormonal shifts and ADHD - that affect how I think, feel, and function.

I don’t need more pressure. I need better systems. More compassion. And tools that actually work for my brain.

Because owning your future isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing it your way.

And if your brain works differently? That’s not your weakness. That’s your starting line.

You don’t have to fix yourself. You just have to stop fighting yourself - and start building with who you are now.

💬 Your Turn

Have you discovered something that helps you navigate ADHD, hormones, or just the mental load of building a business with the chaos of life?

A tool, a routine, a mindset shift - even a moment of clarity?

Or maybe you have a story of your own - how you got diagnosed, how things started to make sense, or what surprised you along the way.

👉 I’d love to hear it.

Hit reply and share what’s working for you - or what you’re still figuring out. This space isn’t just about my story. It’s about ours.

And who knows - what you share might help someone else feel a little more seen.

Until next week,
Mel x

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